Relationship Sunday’s: A Letter to my Former Relationship-Obsessed Self

Dear Former Relationship-Obsessed Katie,

It is February 2022 and you are thriving and sometimes barely *just barely* surviving adulthood. You graduated from Meredith College with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Mathematics with minors in Statistics, Website Development, and Data Science. You are employed. You’ve traveled the world and are continuing to, whether near or far. You are sustaining yourself financially. You feel empowered. You have the blog of the dreams. You have a dog named Rosie. You also live with Papa and love it all. You have extraordinary friendships that you’ve maintained over the years, yet you’ve lost some friends along the way too. Through it all, you have become stronger. You love yourself and are proud of what you’ve accomplished. You may be surprised, but through all of this you are also happily single.

YES, you Katie, are happily single in 2022. You’re single AND loving it – something you thought you would never hear before in your life. While you’re reading this, you are probably shocked and that is OKAY. Time will tell, but you’ll be happy being YOU more than you will be dating someone else in February 2022. In fact, you even had the best Valentine’s Day 2022, spending it with your Papa and dog making crab legs and Barramundi (a fish that Papa and I both LOVED!) single and ALL. You’ll be able to travel, have your evenings to yourself, and simply the freedom of not having to worry about anyone else. When you’re worried about when and who you’ll end up with in the long run, just remember to enjoy your time as the extraordinary woman that you are, being you and enjoying the moments. You’re single but it doesn’t define you. If you’re content with who YOU are then that is all that you need in life.

You will enter into a relationship. The relationship that you thought you have dreamed of. You will date somebody that you think will be your lifelong one. However, in short notice, you will realize that this person is anything but for you. This relationship of yours will get too serious too fast for your liking. It will provide you with the allusion that you are supposed to be committed to this person for life – a person that is anything but committed to you in the way that you are to them. You will have a Valentine’s Day with them, which will SUCK and that’s okay. It will get better once you release that they are not ever your forever. But, remember, that you DO NOT ever have to commit to them. You will miss your single days while dating this person. You WILL become single again and you will learn to love your single days.

Flash forward to May 2021, and you will graduate from Meredith College. You will move to the Washington, DC area which will become your post graduation dream while in college. You will move in with Papa and continue to love every minute of your time with him. You will adopt your dog Rosie. You will love every minute of it all and continue to simply enjoy the moment. You will be repulsed, in fact, by the idea of a relationship. Singleness will be your contentment and you will thrive in it all. You’ll enjoy your memories as a single woman and continue to do so, especially as you want to look back on your single days happy and content when you find your one and only.

Although you are very content with your single days, remember that you will feel sad being single at times and that is OKAY. Through it all, remember to believe in love, even when you don’t think it’s near. You can and WILL find your one and only one day and it’ll be beautiful. But, remember to enjoy the single days and let them outweigh the days you may not enjoy, whatever the case may be (such as being sick or stressed with work or even just mentally struggling). Believe!

While you dealt and will continue to deal with a lot of heartbreak, remember that at the end of the day, you are not alone. You will always have yourself. Nobody is ever alone. You will become content with yourself and that is ALL that matters.

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Being Single and OKAY With It

Well, it was New Year’s Eve 2021, and I saw a meme that said “if you’re sad about not having a New Year’s kiss, then wait until Valentine’s Day – you’ll probably be single then, too.” Although a bit funny, when did it become a sad thing to be single? I hear it all the time and I am going to say it here and now: it is better to be alone than with others who make you feel alone. At the same time, being single does not make you alone or a loner. Rather, being single can be a fun time to enjoy your independence, work on growing your own self love and self empowerment, and simply doing things for YOU and no one else.

When talking about being single and some of the many things that I seriously LOVE about it, it is also important to mention that relationships don’t have to be the end all be all to our own personal independence, self growth, and doing things for yourself. In fact, when you’re indeed with the right person, you WILL feel empowered to work on yourself and be an independent person while cheering on your person in their similar journey, too.

Our world feels like it’s meant for couples – I mean, we literally have a holiday aka Valentine’s Day that is simply for couples. BUT, Valentine’s Day simply does not have to be solely for couple’s – I LOVE using Valentine’s Day as a moment for self love and care, irregardless of one’s relationship status. Indeed, there is so much to be grateful for as a single person. I’m grateful for my independence, growing on my self love journey, and doing things for me and only me. At the same time, I have an amazingly supportive group of family and friends that I am oh so thankful for every day. I have two dogs that I love to death. I have a job that I am learning to love and grow passionate for every day I report to work. And, not to mention, y’all here within my community via The Pink Chickadee. Through it all, I am extremely grateful for all that I have. Being single is literally in the smallest of scopes when it comes to all that the world has blessed me with. In the scheme of things, being single is a small thing and it’s something I’m blessed with at this moment, too.

Being single used to feel like the end of the world to me. I thought I was miserable and that being single meant that I was alone and, therefore, miserable. However, I have since learned that that is FAR from the case. When I got into a relationship with the wrong person destined for me, I realized how much I missed my single days. I was dating someone who was wanting to marry me after 2 days of dating, which *surprise* meant that I was in a relationship that got too serious wayyyy too fast. As the short-lived relationship progressed, I realized that I did not want a forever with my ex, like they did. I wanted my freedom, the ability to live wherever I wanted to (they insisted I stay in North Carolina and move to their hometown with them) post graduation, and independence. When I *finally* decided to break it off with my ex, I felt nothing but empowered. As a newly single woman, I felt READY SO SO SO READY to take on the world by storm!

For me, my relationship with my ex made me feel nothing but content about being single. I was excited to be able to enjoy my single years for what they are. And, at the end of the day, I want to look back on my single years with glee and happiness and nothing but contentment. Don’t you?!

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Why the Timeline Doesn’t Work

Back in my high school days, I used to picture myself meeting my true love in college and waltzing ourselves away into the postgraduate years married and living happily ever after. While my high school envisioning for myself is the reality for some, it is not the reality for myself and I am completely okay with it and happy that it isn’t. For us single folks, I know that having a timeline can sometimes provide satisfaction and a place of contentment to knowing when our perfect partner will come into our lives. BUT I am here to tell you today that NO timeline works when it comes to dating and potentially marriage. It just doesn’t.

When it comes to dating, it is easy to dream up what you want in a potential partner and strive to make it happen. On the flip side, dating is not something that I see as something that is one and done. It takes time to form a meaningful connection with someone else, whether it be a significant other, friend, coworker, or even a new pet. ALSO, I have noticed that when I spend time furiously searching for new connections in my life, whatever they may be, that they don’t seem to show up. In those moments on wayyyy too much searching for something I perceive as missing in my life, I will ALWAYS miss out on what’s in front of me in my life right then and there. What we are looking for, in fact, ends up coming into our lives when we stop searching for what we’re desiring and simply being content in the moment. This same concept goes for dating. It all happens when we least expect it.

Things happen when we least expect them to. It’s true. BUT it is SO hard to just sit back and relax and let it happen at times. AND that is OKAY! I have always been a worrier and tend to worry more than I should, especially about when I think and want things to happen. It’s HARD y’all and sitting back and letting things happen and enjoying where you are in life as much easier said than done. Indeed, it is something that I strive to work on everyday. I mean, my 10 year old self would LOVE to see where 22 year old Katie is now and I wish she could see it – she would be SOO excited!

Timelines are so not ideal when it comes to our lives. I know I love a good plan, but that’s not how life goes. Life takes its own twists and turns and it’s amazing in its own way. When we put timelines in our own lives especially when it comes to dating, we force things into our lives that aren’t right and ready for when they are meant to happen. With dating, I have always seen it to be a delicate thing that shouldn’t be rushed anyways. When we do try and rush dating and specifically dating into marriage, we miss out on the great moments along the way within our relationships and just life in general. You wouldn’t want to force yourself to finish reading a 300 page book in a day, so why would you with a relationship?!

Above all else, remember to focus on YOU and what YOU want in this life and not WHEN you want it in your life. If it is meant to be, it will all come into your life the way it is meant to. Life is so short anyways, so why spend it worrying and overthinking?! Things come the way that they are supposed to come into our lives and they will all be beautiful in the ways that they are meant to be. Personally, I love to travel and make memories together with my friends and family and dogs. Those are the memories that I want to focus on and NOT the time I spent worrying about what was next to come, as it will come when it does. It’s so hard to do and easier said than done, but it is also so rewarding, too.

The only timeline that matters in this world is our own. The timing in our lives is made in perfection for ourselves and only ourselves. Remember that.

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Being Thankful for your Single Days

The other day, my friend sent my friend group chat a Tik Tok of a woman who made a “Deck the Halls” parody about being single. While it was funny and each of us within the group chat agreed that it was, it also brings up the idea that being single, especially being single during the holidays, does have its pluses. With the holidays approaching, being single during the holidays can sometimes be tough. However, there is much to be thankful for within our single days on this Earth.

My mother told me that she wishes that she had enjoyed being single and simply let things happen. Naturally, many of us worry that we’ll be single forever and want to rush the process of getting into relationship and into the wedding and then marriage – which we intend to be a lasting commitment of love between us and our future partner. My mother rang true to that concept, despite the fact that the excitement of her wedding day came one day, too. It will for each and every one of us once we simply let go – believe it or not!

Personally, I like to wonder about who I will end up with. What they will be like – whether they like theatre, sports, travel, etc.? How we will meet – will it be through mutual friends, work-related conjunctions, online, or maybe even someone that I already know? What will their family and friends be like? What are their dreams and aspirations in this life? What if’s can go on and on and on. BUT, it’s fun to wonder and it’s totally VALID to do so, too. While I do love to wonder about what my future spouse will be like (and so does my Mom!), it’s important to enjoy your time as a single person on this Earth. We are single on this Earth at this time in our lives for a reason, so we must embrace that time that we have just to ourselves and ourselves only. I like to use my time to develop my own goals, grow in my career, do things that I want to do for me, shop until I drop, and grow as a human being. I hope you will, too!

Being single sometimes is daunting, especially as the holidays are approaching. I mean, some of us do get vacuum cleaners over engagement rings during this season – hah! It is not the end of the world to be a single person, even during this holiday season. One day, you will probably meet someone pretty great. In fact, that person may become “the one” aka your soulmate in your book. You two may get married and perhaps start a family together. You’ll plan a great wedding, make plans for the future together, execute those plans, and live happily together. It WILL happen – trust me! On the same token, that time is not right now. In the moment, being thankful for where you are in life is important, as just a few years ago your past self would be envious of where you are today.

Above all else, remember to be thankful, grateful, and oh so blessed EVEN yes, EVEN as a single person!

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Starting Out & Moving While Single

When my Papa graduated from college, he got married and was whisked away into his married life for years to come. That was in the 1960’s. While the 1960’s days are far behind us, many still envision starting their lives out with a significant other by their side. I know of many couples who either get married or are committed upon graduating from college and choose to move in together upon graduating from college. Needless to say, it can be daunting to move and start out on your own as a single person, but it is also empowering.

Personally, I moved from North Carolina to Washington, DC upon graduating from college in the Southern state. I knew that I wanted something different after being in college and living in North Carolina for four years. Before even graduating from college like a few years beforehand, I knew that I wanted to live in Washington, DC and start out there. My mother started out in Washington, DC and tells me about all of her fond memories of her time in the nation’s capital. The same goes for my Dad. Once I found a job opportunity in the Washington, DC area, I knew I had what I needed to achieve my Washington, DC dreams!

When I was in the beginning of my college years, I had always envisioned moving in with a partner that I had met in college, whatever city it may had been. I probably was hoping that I had been able to move to a city beyond Raleigh, too, as I have an adventurous spirit. As time went on, I ended up dating somebody that I thought had the potential to be the one. It was my Senior year of college when I started dating them, and they lived in North Carolina in a different city than my college town and did not want to leave. Many of my connections for post-graduation jobs are in the Washington, DC area where I wanted to and now live. Needless to say, I became very stressed out looking for jobs in a place that I had not wanted to live in, but rather felt pressured to live for the life that I had hoped I would have. During those relationship days, I missed being single and having the freedom to move around without worrying about anyone else. We ended up breaking up after 2 months, and it was one of the best decisions that I had made, especially for my future.

Starting out single was not in my plan for my life. Yet, starting out single was what was best for me, despite me not anticipating it. It can be hard and is hard moving to a brand-new city without a significant other in sight. Some of the challenges with starting out as single and making a move include:

  • The Moving Process – Let’s get this straight: moving can be a challenge. Most specifically, when you’re on your own, it can be difficult to move and move on your own, too. I was fortunate enough to be able to move close to family and have family help with both moving out and moving into my new city. The moving process is daunting – the moving trucks, the moving fees, the heavy lifting, and the packing/unpacking. Even with family help, it took me almost 2 weeks to unpack all of my belongings and fully set everything up in my new place. However, if you are doing it all alone, there is no reason to not utilize help from others. If you’re moving to the Las Vegas area, then Muscle Movers LLC Las Vegas can do all the heavy lifting for you! Not only can they help you move your belongings on move-in day only, they can also help you with packing and unpacking into any type of place, whether it be residential or commercial. At the same time, if you’re living in Las Vegas and moving across the state, to another state, or even overseas, these long-distance movers in Las Vegas can provide ALL of the facilitation regarding your move – find details here.. All in all, Muscle Movers LLC Las Vegas is a great way to allow others to help you with your move, especially if you’re moving on your own as a single lady (or gent!).
  • Lack of Connections – Moving can be a struggle, especially when you do not know a soul in your new town. It can be tough when you do not know anyone beyond your coworkers, apartment mates, or even the mail man. It essentially feels like as if you are a new kid in high school in a new city. But this time, it may be without family and friends. Case in point: if you went to college and lived in a dorm in a place different than your hometown, then you probably didn’t have an established social network when you left. However, for most of us, you developed that social network, academic network, and professional network while in college. You did it during those university days, and you will do it again, but this time, within your brand-new city. You WILL establish a vast social network, grow professionally, and grow personally, too – right in your own new city!
  • Not Having a Go-To Person Nearby – When single, it can be quite difficult to move when you do not have a go-to person right then and there, such as a significant other. There’s a lot of emotions that pop up when moving – stress, excitement, sadness, happiness, etc. It can be nice to be able to go through all those emotions with someone else. At the same time, it’s also nice to be able to have someone right by your side who can go explore and get to know your new town with, too. When single, not having someone who is right then and there to do things with can be difficult. But, on the flip side, when doing things on your own and independently creates confidence and allows you to grow and expand your network in a whole new light than if you were in a relationship. In fact, you may even meet your person while expanding your network while single!

Overall, moving while single can be remarkably challenging, but it has its perks, too. You can meet a bunch of people on your own timeline and have the flexibility to move on your own without worry about anyone else. Nevertheless, you get to expand your network on your own terms and only yours.

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Why Now is the Time to be Single!

The other day, I read an article by The Knot who reports on the annual average age of marriage in the United States. Typically, the average age of marriage is in someone’s twenties for both men and women. However, to everyone’s surprise, including my own, the average age of marriage in the United States is 32. Since the average age of marriage has increased, so has the number of years that people have taken to enjoy being single and independent before settling down. That being said, when it comes to relationships, now and in one’s twenties is the time to be single!

Explanation speaking, people are choosing to get married in their 30’s nowadays due to a variety of different reasons. First, people are using their twenties as a time to get financially established and develop in their careers. They are also using this time to potentially pay off student loans and develop their own independence and sense of self. Moreover, people are using their twenties to be selfish and do what they want before being tied down to someone else or someone’s else. People are striving to also find a sense of self and strive to continue to develop who they are as a person and truly decide what they want in life before settling down. At the same time, life is getting more expensive. College costs are rising which means that student loan debts are rising. The housing market is in an extreme boom which comes with the high costs of rent, down payments, and mortgages. When it comes to marriage, the costs of weddings are also in a major boom. Most parents of the partners getting married either do not contribute at all to the cost of the wedding or contribute to part of the costs for it. Millennials and Gen-Zer’s are extremely into creating a wedding that is Instagrammable and perfect for the feed while fostering a down-to-earth experiences for their guests, all at a hefty price tag.

Personally, I was relieved at the increase of the average age of marriage in the United States. Coming from a college where it felt like everyone within the student body was getting married upon graduation, it’s refreshing to hear that most of the world is not that way. I know that my peers within the Washington, DC area are on a similar standpoint when it comes to getting married later on in their twenties and thirties. It’s nice to see that several people are taking their twenties to be single and simply enjoy it.

All throughout my college years, my Mom and other family members would tell me the significance of getting married once you have uncovered a sense of self first. According to my Mom’s research, you do not truly have a fully developed brain until you are 25 years of age. That being said, using ones twenties and more specifically their early twenties for solely being single is the way to go. Not only are you able to get to learn more about yourself, but you are able to do what YOU want to do without asking others. That being said, now is surely the time to be single and do things for YOU and no one else.

Dating can be TOUGH, but there is something to be said about being single and taking the time to do so. I feel that I am happily able to do what I want to do in life with no stress or worry about anyone else significant in my life. I am also able to work on discovering and loving myself and only me. That way, when I do get in a relationship, I am ready to be my best self for my soulmate wherever they may be!

XOXO – Katie <3

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