Relationship Sunday’s: A Letter to my Former Relationship-Obsessed Self

Dear Former Relationship-Obsessed Katie,

It is February 2022 and you are thriving and sometimes barely *just barely* surviving adulthood. You graduated from Meredith College with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Mathematics with minors in Statistics, Website Development, and Data Science. You are employed. You’ve traveled the world and are continuing to, whether near or far. You are sustaining yourself financially. You feel empowered. You have the blog of the dreams. You have a dog named Rosie. You also live with Papa and love it all. You have extraordinary friendships that you’ve maintained over the years, yet you’ve lost some friends along the way too. Through it all, you have become stronger. You love yourself and are proud of what you’ve accomplished. You may be surprised, but through all of this you are also happily single.

YES, you Katie, are happily single in 2022. You’re single AND loving it – something you thought you would never hear before in your life. While you’re reading this, you are probably shocked and that is OKAY. Time will tell, but you’ll be happy being YOU more than you will be dating someone else in February 2022. In fact, you even had the best Valentine’s Day 2022, spending it with your Papa and dog making crab legs and Barramundi (a fish that Papa and I both LOVED!) single and ALL. You’ll be able to travel, have your evenings to yourself, and simply the freedom of not having to worry about anyone else. When you’re worried about when and who you’ll end up with in the long run, just remember to enjoy your time as the extraordinary woman that you are, being you and enjoying the moments. You’re single but it doesn’t define you. If you’re content with who YOU are then that is all that you need in life.

You will enter into a relationship. The relationship that you thought you have dreamed of. You will date somebody that you think will be your lifelong one. However, in short notice, you will realize that this person is anything but for you. This relationship of yours will get too serious too fast for your liking. It will provide you with the allusion that you are supposed to be committed to this person for life – a person that is anything but committed to you in the way that you are to them. You will have a Valentine’s Day with them, which will SUCK and that’s okay. It will get better once you release that they are not ever your forever. But, remember, that you DO NOT ever have to commit to them. You will miss your single days while dating this person. You WILL become single again and you will learn to love your single days.

Flash forward to May 2021, and you will graduate from Meredith College. You will move to the Washington, DC area which will become your post graduation dream while in college. You will move in with Papa and continue to love every minute of your time with him. You will adopt your dog Rosie. You will love every minute of it all and continue to simply enjoy the moment. You will be repulsed, in fact, by the idea of a relationship. Singleness will be your contentment and you will thrive in it all. You’ll enjoy your memories as a single woman and continue to do so, especially as you want to look back on your single days happy and content when you find your one and only.

Although you are very content with your single days, remember that you will feel sad being single at times and that is OKAY. Through it all, remember to believe in love, even when you don’t think it’s near. You can and WILL find your one and only one day and it’ll be beautiful. But, remember to enjoy the single days and let them outweigh the days you may not enjoy, whatever the case may be (such as being sick or stressed with work or even just mentally struggling). Believe!

While you dealt and will continue to deal with a lot of heartbreak, remember that at the end of the day, you are not alone. You will always have yourself. Nobody is ever alone. You will become content with yourself and that is ALL that matters.

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Starting Out & Moving While Single

When my Papa graduated from college, he got married and was whisked away into his married life for years to come. That was in the 1960’s. While the 1960’s days are far behind us, many still envision starting their lives out with a significant other by their side. I know of many couples who either get married or are committed upon graduating from college and choose to move in together upon graduating from college. Needless to say, it can be daunting to move and start out on your own as a single person, but it is also empowering.

Personally, I moved from North Carolina to Washington, DC upon graduating from college in the Southern state. I knew that I wanted something different after being in college and living in North Carolina for four years. Before even graduating from college like a few years beforehand, I knew that I wanted to live in Washington, DC and start out there. My mother started out in Washington, DC and tells me about all of her fond memories of her time in the nation’s capital. The same goes for my Dad. Once I found a job opportunity in the Washington, DC area, I knew I had what I needed to achieve my Washington, DC dreams!

When I was in the beginning of my college years, I had always envisioned moving in with a partner that I had met in college, whatever city it may had been. I probably was hoping that I had been able to move to a city beyond Raleigh, too, as I have an adventurous spirit. As time went on, I ended up dating somebody that I thought had the potential to be the one. It was my Senior year of college when I started dating them, and they lived in North Carolina in a different city than my college town and did not want to leave. Many of my connections for post-graduation jobs are in the Washington, DC area where I wanted to and now live. Needless to say, I became very stressed out looking for jobs in a place that I had not wanted to live in, but rather felt pressured to live for the life that I had hoped I would have. During those relationship days, I missed being single and having the freedom to move around without worrying about anyone else. We ended up breaking up after 2 months, and it was one of the best decisions that I had made, especially for my future.

Starting out single was not in my plan for my life. Yet, starting out single was what was best for me, despite me not anticipating it. It can be hard and is hard moving to a brand-new city without a significant other in sight. Some of the challenges with starting out as single and making a move include:

  • The Moving Process – Let’s get this straight: moving can be a challenge. Most specifically, when you’re on your own, it can be difficult to move and move on your own, too. I was fortunate enough to be able to move close to family and have family help with both moving out and moving into my new city. The moving process is daunting – the moving trucks, the moving fees, the heavy lifting, and the packing/unpacking. Even with family help, it took me almost 2 weeks to unpack all of my belongings and fully set everything up in my new place. However, if you are doing it all alone, there is no reason to not utilize help from others. If you’re moving to the Las Vegas area, then Muscle Movers LLC Las Vegas can do all the heavy lifting for you! Not only can they help you move your belongings on move-in day only, they can also help you with packing and unpacking into any type of place, whether it be residential or commercial. At the same time, if you’re living in Las Vegas and moving across the state, to another state, or even overseas, these long-distance movers in Las Vegas can provide ALL of the facilitation regarding your move – find details here.. All in all, Muscle Movers LLC Las Vegas is a great way to allow others to help you with your move, especially if you’re moving on your own as a single lady (or gent!).
  • Lack of Connections – Moving can be a struggle, especially when you do not know a soul in your new town. It can be tough when you do not know anyone beyond your coworkers, apartment mates, or even the mail man. It essentially feels like as if you are a new kid in high school in a new city. But this time, it may be without family and friends. Case in point: if you went to college and lived in a dorm in a place different than your hometown, then you probably didn’t have an established social network when you left. However, for most of us, you developed that social network, academic network, and professional network while in college. You did it during those university days, and you will do it again, but this time, within your brand-new city. You WILL establish a vast social network, grow professionally, and grow personally, too – right in your own new city!
  • Not Having a Go-To Person Nearby – When single, it can be quite difficult to move when you do not have a go-to person right then and there, such as a significant other. There’s a lot of emotions that pop up when moving – stress, excitement, sadness, happiness, etc. It can be nice to be able to go through all those emotions with someone else. At the same time, it’s also nice to be able to have someone right by your side who can go explore and get to know your new town with, too. When single, not having someone who is right then and there to do things with can be difficult. But, on the flip side, when doing things on your own and independently creates confidence and allows you to grow and expand your network in a whole new light than if you were in a relationship. In fact, you may even meet your person while expanding your network while single!

Overall, moving while single can be remarkably challenging, but it has its perks, too. You can meet a bunch of people on your own timeline and have the flexibility to move on your own without worry about anyone else. Nevertheless, you get to expand your network on your own terms and only yours.

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s: Why I LOVE Being Single!

Calling ALLL my single ladies and gents and peeps, now, put your hands up! *Cues Beyonce* It can be a struggle to be single at times, but there are so many benefits to it that can sometimes overlook the cons. Since COVID-19 began back in March 2020, I truly started to embrace the benefits and enjoy being single. There are MANY reasons to love being single. Here, I am going to list some of the many many many reasons that I have loved being single and why you should, too!

Reasons Why I LOVE Being Single

  1. Freedom – guess what?! You have the freedom to do what YOU want to do with your life at this special time of being single. Whether it be spending a night on your couch watching Netflix with a bowl of popcorn and not worrying about having to share or online shopping til you drop with your own money and treating yourself, your freedom to do what your heart desires is yours, especially before settling down. You are able to plan your personal schedule around whatever you choose and your finances, too. When dating, your personal schedule drastically changes to include your partner and their needs and wants as well. The same idea goes for your finances, especially when it comes to dates for the two of you and gifts for anniversaries and holidays along with some surprises here and there. Want to plan that trip of your dreams to Peru?! Then GO! Want to save up for that handbag you’ve been eyeing for a while?! Then DO IT! Want to watch that show on Hulu all night long that no one else wants to do?! Then WATCH IT and enjoy your favorite snack as you do! Want to join that team?! Then JOIN! Whatever your heart desires, you have the freedom to do it and without worry of what someone else may think or how they will be impacted by it.
  2. A chance to save up – when you’re single, your financial demands are solely on yourself and only you. Although marriage does have its benefits when it comes to taxes and insurance amongst many others financially, it is nice to be able to use your money for your own personal benefit. Before dating anyone, you can have the chance to save up for what YOU want to save up for in your life. Whether that be travel, a house, a luxury handbag, a pet, an emergency fund, or something else. You don’t have to save it for a wedding, kids, or even a house if you do not want to, either. You get to choose what your money goes towards and that is an amazing thing. Moreover, your financial future will thank you when you have some extra cash saved for a rainy day.
  3. Travel – when you’re single, then it’s the time to travel and see the world! I studied abroad in three different countries while in college – something that I do not know if I would be able to do if I had been in a relationship throughout my college years. For the most part, once you choose to settle down, the opportunity to travel tends to get slimmer than it used to be. Now when you’re single is the time to travel, whether it be domestic or international. You also get to use all of your PTO anyway you want to and that can include your own personal travel, rather than travel demands as per your significant other like seeing their family and friends. You get to determine where YOU go on vacation – it can be independent, with friends, or family. Whatever and wherever you choose to travel to, then GO!
  4. Time to focus on personal goals and hobbies – when single, your time is 10000% YOURS! That being said, you can use your own time to focus on your own personal goals or hobbies. If I had been in a relationship in college, I probably would not have started my platform here and be the blogger that I am today. I never would have started getting into cooking and cooking for others if I were in a relationship and had been for many years before. At the same time, I was super involved throughout my college years and am starting to get involved in my recent post-grad years. My involvement has allowed me to meet many others and grow as a person. If it were not for being single, then I would not have been able to get involved to the capacity that I have been able to. My time is mine and it is all for me to use to explore my own interests and get involved in whatever I so choose.
  5. Career first – my time as a single lady can truly be used to get established and advance within my career without demands of a significant other. I can put my work first and truly grow within my career. At the same time, do not strive to be a workaholic, but have a strong work life balance. When not dating, you can focus on your career and allow it to take you wherever it lands you. Have a job offer in a different city?! Then take it – no one is slowing you down! Want to switch careers?! Then make that switch! Want to invest your time and finances in getting a degree or certification?! Then GO for it! As a single person, you have the time to invest in whatever you want to invest in for your own career advancement. Establishing your own career path is something that is important and when you’re single it’s a great thing to be able to do before settling down.
  6. No significant other commitments – let’s be honest here: it can be oh so stressful when it comes to commitments that come with having a significant other. Whether it be financial, time, emotional, or familial, relationships can take a toll on us all in a variety of different ways. When you’re single, it is great that you do not have ANY of these extra commitments to worry about! Your commitments revolve around YOU and your life and not someone else’s.
  7. Prioritize yourself – NOW is the time to prioritize you and only YOU! Career-wise, friendship-wise, family-wise, financially, or personally, you are able to make your own personal priorities without much worry of anyone else or theirs. Your personal demands are yours and only yours. No one else is involved. It is just you and your own priorities. Moreover, this is an important time to focus on your own self love and growth. Work on being the best YOU that YOU can be, especially for when your special someone does come along. Trust me, you’ll be thankful that you did.
  8. No additional commitments at the holidays – I love love love knowing as a single lady that the holidays are mine and mine to choose what I do. Let’s be real here, relationships with the in-law’s can be awkward and sometimes not the best. However, relationships with the in-law’s can be pretty great too. Whatever the case may be for you when the time comes along, it is pretty great not to have the worry about seeing the in-law’s at the holidays! It can also get complicated when you have to factor in seeing you family and your significant other’s at the holidays, too. It’s nice to know that you get to choose where you are at the holidays and who you are with for the time being.
  9. Truly evaluate what you want in a partner – when you’re single, you can know what you truly want in a partner. Personally, I have learned a lot of traits that I like and do not like in my future significant other from hearing my friends’ own experiences both good and bad from their own relationships. I can witness what has worked for them and what doesn’t and learn about what my work for me, based on their relationship experiences. Similarly, I have learned to pick up red flags even faster than before – surprisingly enough. Through it all, when you’re single, you get to learn more and more about yourself and take that time to fall head over heels in love with yourself. When you do just that, coincidentally, you also evaluate what you want in a partner, too. That way, you’ll be ready for the right person when they come along!
  10. Prioritize your friendships and familial relationships – through it all, your friendships and family are important and an integral part of our mental wellbeing. You can truly establish those friendships and familial relationships while single. Whether single or not, it is important to keep them close. However, when you’re single, you’re especially able to prioritize your friends and family. Knowing how to prioritize your friends and family is a skill that can be hard to come by, but an important one. At the same time, you always have your friends and family through the good times and the bad times – single or not. The experiences that you have made through friendships and family are ones that have shaped you. When you are single, you can truly focus on those relationships and maintain them pretty well once you do start dating.

Fellow single folks, there are several things to be grateful for about your single life. It can be tough at times to be single, but there are many extraordinary things about it. Remember to care for yourself and love yourself through thick and thin and one day someone will love you for who you are too. But, in the meantime, enjoy your single life for what it is and make the best of it.

Above all else, remember that you are single and FABULOUS!!!

XOXO – Katie <3

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Relationship Sunday’s – Why Now is the Time to be Single!

The other day, I read an article by The Knot who reports on the annual average age of marriage in the United States. Typically, the average age of marriage is in someone’s twenties for both men and women. However, to everyone’s surprise, including my own, the average age of marriage in the United States is 32. Since the average age of marriage has increased, so has the number of years that people have taken to enjoy being single and independent before settling down. That being said, when it comes to relationships, now and in one’s twenties is the time to be single!

Explanation speaking, people are choosing to get married in their 30’s nowadays due to a variety of different reasons. First, people are using their twenties as a time to get financially established and develop in their careers. They are also using this time to potentially pay off student loans and develop their own independence and sense of self. Moreover, people are using their twenties to be selfish and do what they want before being tied down to someone else or someone’s else. People are striving to also find a sense of self and strive to continue to develop who they are as a person and truly decide what they want in life before settling down. At the same time, life is getting more expensive. College costs are rising which means that student loan debts are rising. The housing market is in an extreme boom which comes with the high costs of rent, down payments, and mortgages. When it comes to marriage, the costs of weddings are also in a major boom. Most parents of the partners getting married either do not contribute at all to the cost of the wedding or contribute to part of the costs for it. Millennials and Gen-Zer’s are extremely into creating a wedding that is Instagrammable and perfect for the feed while fostering a down-to-earth experiences for their guests, all at a hefty price tag.

Personally, I was relieved at the increase of the average age of marriage in the United States. Coming from a college where it felt like everyone within the student body was getting married upon graduation, it’s refreshing to hear that most of the world is not that way. I know that my peers within the Washington, DC area are on a similar standpoint when it comes to getting married later on in their twenties and thirties. It’s nice to see that several people are taking their twenties to be single and simply enjoy it.

All throughout my college years, my Mom and other family members would tell me the significance of getting married once you have uncovered a sense of self first. According to my Mom’s research, you do not truly have a fully developed brain until you are 25 years of age. That being said, using ones twenties and more specifically their early twenties for solely being single is the way to go. Not only are you able to get to learn more about yourself, but you are able to do what YOU want to do without asking others. That being said, now is surely the time to be single and do things for YOU and no one else.

Dating can be TOUGH, but there is something to be said about being single and taking the time to do so. I feel that I am happily able to do what I want to do in life with no stress or worry about anyone else significant in my life. I am also able to work on discovering and loving myself and only me. That way, when I do get in a relationship, I am ready to be my best self for my soulmate wherever they may be!

XOXO – Katie <3

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