When A Friend Shuts You Out

Recently over on Instagram (let’s be friends @_thepinkchickadee), I have been seeing several folks discussing some rather taboo or less discussed topics that I’m hoping to shed some light on over here in 2025 and beyond. In 2024, I shared my ramblings on loneliness (here and here) and plan to share more of my thoughts on similar taboo topics. One of those topics is something that I think many of us have experienced over the years: when a friend shuts you out. This is a super tough topic to discuss as it’s truth be told such a sucky feeling and thing to experience. We genuinely as humans and friends want to be apart of our friends’ lives, but sometimes they don’t want us to be apart of their lives anymore. It’s a rather tough pill to swallow, but is very well the truth a lot of the times when a friend shuts you out. And, trust me: I’ve been there too.

When I graduated college back in May of 2021, I was apart of a so-called sorority-like friend group and had thus felt a major sense of belonging from it and throughout my college experience. I ended up moving from North Carolina to the Washington, DC area literally a day after receiving my diploma and hence begun my next chapter into adulthood. It was terrifying at the time, but with a job already in line in the nation’s capital to start later that Summer, I knew where I needed to be. I was pretty much the ONLY person from my 400-person sorority-like all-women’s college class to move to Washington, DC. Many of my college friends including my friend group remained in North Carolina. And, after four years of memories made in our college dorms, apartments, college formals and events and celebratory occasions, distracting ourselves from studying, late night talking and drinking, and everything in between, I simply began to get shut out by many of my college friends at the time. We had literally gone from taking photos in our caps and gowns galavanting around our college campus the day before to pretty much barely texting each other. The texts and FaceTime calls from afar became far and few in between. A few months later, I came back to North Carolina to visit for a weekend. I noticed a stark difference between the friends that I made while we were in college and while we weren’t in college. It felt as if I was in one day and the next day simply shut out. All I had heard about was the gossip of the time that I had been simply shut out of. And, to my surprise and disappointment, I had been excluded from the typical friend group activities of the weekend I was in town. Which I had instead received many excited texts about how fun the outing was and how excited everyone else was to be there … without me. The pain I felt at the time was unbearable and utter shock. Essentially, I been shut out of that friend group that I once cherished and felt so much belonging in a few months prior.

At the time, I was in utter denial that I was being shut out of my friend group that had once provided me such a great feeling of belonging. I had convinced myself many times and times again that things would change and that these friends of mine from college would realize what they’re missing out on. I would continuously text these friends, hoping they’d start to respond more and more frequently. Maybe, perhaps, one of them or a few would want to come and visit me in Washington, DC for the weekend. Just MAYBE things would change. But, instead, the texts became more and more sparse.

I share this story to tell you that you are not alone by any means in experiencing when a friend that shuts you out. The simple reality of the matter is that we all have friends that will or have shut us out at one point or another. Guess what? It hurts. It’s painful. And, a lot of the time, we don’t truly understand why. A lot of the time, the reasoning has nothing to do with us. Rather, there can be a variety of factors our friends may be experiencing, including: personal issues, jealousy and/or insecurity, shift in priorities, physical distance, miscommunication, or different life stages. Usually though, the reasoning has nothing to do with us who simply want to keep the friendship alive.

So, to put it into context: no, you did not do anything wrong by simply wanting to check in on your friend and continue that friendship without them reciprocating. Simply put, you don’t need to feel guilty or shame for simply wanting to keep that friendship alive. However, friendships are a two-way street. We need to focus our energy more so on the friendships that choose us as we choose them and NOT the friendships that don’t choose us. It can be easier said than done, I know.

Upon graduating from college and settling into my new life and job in the nation’s capital, I kept in touch with many of my college friendships beyond that one specific friend group which provided me with the most belonging during those four years. One of my friends at the time (we’re still friends to this day!!) was appreciative that I reached out to her and continued to choose her as a friend. She thanked me! That exact text made me realize that there is SO much to be thankful for with the friendships that we do have and are able to maintain. We need to focus more on the friendships that are two-way streets. Like with dating, we need to choose those who choose us time and time again. Those that make space for us in their lives are the ones that we want and need to keep around. Those are the friendships that are of high-value and worth having.

At the end of the day though, I do feel extremely fortunate to have several friendships from my college years that I have to this day. Indeed, some of these friendships were unexpectedly formed after college and through creating this platform! But at the end of the day, I discovered that these are the friendships worth keeping. None of these friendships resulted in either person being shut out, but rather chosen to be kept in one another’s lives. We send those lengthy audio messages where we love to yap, exchange thoughts in the group chats, and slide into our Instagram DMs to share adorable content we think one another would like. We also make plans to see one another, despite many of us living in different cities and states. We may talk daily, weekly, monthly, or even periodically. But, at the end of the day, we chose one another and those are the friends worth keeping around.

And, while my highly esteemed friend group and I in college may have parted our ways after my big girl move, I will cherish the times that we did have together during our college years. The memories made will always be there to cherish. Although I may not talk to them everyday like we used to, I still am open to the possibility that we may exchange some texts here and there and remember our fun college days (like I have one a few occasions). 

Reality check: when a friend shuts you out, it sucks, but we must move forward. We need to focus our energy on those that open their doors to us, not shut them in our faces. Sometimes, the truth hurts and that’s simply apart of the evolution of adult friendships at all ages and life stages. Most importantly, we must move forward with a heart full of gratitude for those that have chosen to keep us around and keep them around especially when a friend shuts you out, too! Perhaps, another lengthy audio message of gratitude and meme of appreciation incoming over making plans for a lengthy catch up session?!?!

XOXO – Katie <3

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Where to Meet Friends in a New City

One of THE things that was most challenging for me in my first few years after college was meeting new friends in a brand-new city. For context, I moved back to the Washington, DC/Northern Virginia area after 4 years of college in Raleigh, North Carolina with *very few* Summers home in between (read my moving announcement here!). That all being said, it was quite a challenge to meet friends after 4 years away from my city. I pretty much had to start all over again. Nevertheless, 3 years (and counting!) since my relocation back to the nation’s capital, I feel SO fortunate to say that I have an incredible network of friends (and family too!) in my city. But, there was a time where I wondered where to meet friends in a new city.

I remember relocating back to the Washington, DC area thinking it would be like moving into my North Carolina college dorm – social events at every turn and sooooo many opportunities to meet and mingle with peers. HOWEVER, moving into my apartment post-graduation was VERYYYY different. College is the last stepping stone for some and high school for others where we don’t have to put much effort into making meaningful connections and friends. However, once we leave the academic world, it becomes much trickier to meet friends and even future partners to date. Facing this new and rather dreadful reality, I recall laying in bed some nights so upset that I hadn’t found a community in my new city. It was tough as others in my network, whether coworkers or former high school classmates, had lots of college friends relocate to the Washington, DC area which made things a bit easier (however, new city or not, early post-graduation years are TOUGH for all and many want to make new connections). I remember feeling SO sad and down and discouraged that I would NEVER find a community. Hence, I asked myself: where to meet friends in a new city?! And, hence, you may also be asking that same question.

Now, for some of my personal key takeaways that I’ve found to be impactful during my post-graduation years in making new friends and where to meet friends in a new city: 

Key Takeaways:

Takeaway 1 – The biggest step to meeting new friends is … to put yourself out there and admit it. YES – that daunting first step is to admit that you want to make new friends and put yourself in those *maybe* out of the comfort zone experiences to reap those benefits. Unlike high school and college, we HAVE to put in the effort to meet others and make new friends. Go to events alone and don’t be afraid to. The best part?!?! Getting out of your comfort zone helps you GROW! And, if an event isn’t a success in meeting others, then, that is OKAY. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you will be to find your community in your new city.

Takeaway 2 – Find a community or network of interest. The best place to meet others that are likeminded?! Join a special interest group! Note that this one will look different for everybody, based on our own special interests. For example, many major cities have their own sports leagues or exercise groups. My best friend Shivani has met friends through tennis and pure barre. There are also book clubs at several local libraries and bookstores in ALL genres and can also be found websites such as Goodreads (I think?! I know a basic Google search knows this one!), which my friend Ashley has joined. In Washington, DC, I have joined the City Girls Who Walk DC community on Discord and while I am not an active member yet, I do adore their content and have been inspired by my friends Stephanie and Brittany to join, as they have actually attended their events! The best way to start is to do basic Google searches, follow local influencers who focus on things to do in your city (and see what communities interact with their content/who they follow), and check out sites like Facebook, Meetup, and Eventbrite. As for myself, I will be taking a class and meetup soon with DC Mahj, am in the process of applying to a local Daughters of the American Revolution Chapter, and skimming on occasion the City Girls Who Walk DC Discord channel (hopefully I attend an event soon and can change this!) alongside the DC Influence social media channels (which I have attended some events through!). There is definitely something going on and there will likely be something of interest to you, too!

Takeaway 3 – Google where to meet friends in a new city and the first result says …. online. However, online meetings may or may not be the best fit. Indeed, some online platforms may work better for you than others. I’ll be honest: I tried Bumble BFF and didn’t find any friends that I still have today. While I am grateful for the connections made (some of which I still have!), I am also grateful that I gave it a whirl. Bumble BFF was my first channel to get out of my comfort zone and meet others. Instagram can work, too, if you’re in communities such as blogging or join a local influencer of interest’s community/events. I have definitely seen more results through Instagram, as I met one of my BEST friends (while not in Washington, DC) Lindsay of @sunshineandstairclimbs through our blogs alongside several other incredible bloggers, influencers, and small business owners.

Takeaway 4 – Oddly enough, I have found networking to be a GREAT way to make friends and connections. Whether in my 9-5 or beyond, networking is a GREAT way to establish friendships and meaningful connections. Funny enough, I met two of my best friends Brittany and Briana in an .. elevator. We were at a holiday networking event leaving and just really hit it off! I was fortunate enough to be apart of a Northern Virginia-based young professional leadership program during the 2023-2024 year and met several young professionals in my city – some of which are now friends! Networking can be daunting (this is something I want to share more insights on soon, too!), but can seriously be sooooo rewarding in the end. Networking can ALSO be used beyond the professional world too and in our personal lives and communities of special interest, too, especially when meeting new friends.

Takeaway 5 – Be patient. Just like in college and high school years, finding a community takes time and is an ever-evolving process. Even after feeling like I have established a great network and community of people in my own city, I still am always looking to expand and evolve within my community, too. It took time for my community to come together, but the universe (or any higher power if you believe in one!) is truly working in mysterious ways ALL THE TIME. Just know, it’s coming. Don’t worry!

Takeaway 6 – Always do YOU. Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken. Yes, I know that this can be sort of a cliche quote that is ALWAYS shared, but this quote has a lot of truth to it. There is only one you. Don’t try to conform to others’ expectations or strive to change parts of yourself to make yourself more likable to others. Simply, just be YOU. The right people will come to you over time and they’re so worth the wait.

Takeaway 7 – Keep in touch with your friends that you’ve moved away from. Through it all though, I think it is SO important to make time for your friends who you may no longer live close to anymore. It WILL be worth it. I find it SO nice to be able to have a free place to stay in my former city (and/or my friend’s new city) when I want a weekend away alongside *of course* time with my friend and vice versa when they come to visit you! At the same time, sadly, not all friends from your previous city will be meant for the long haul and sustain your move. And, guess what?! That is OKAY. I remember feeling SO SAD that not all of my friendships from college and in Raleigh stuck in my post-graduation years in the nation’s capital. But, those friendships that did stick are the ones that I cherish and am SOOOO grateful for. Trust me, that phrase “friends come and go” reigns true especially when moves are involved.

Wrap-Up:

While moving to a new city is SO exciting and a great way to gain independence and experience new things as well as for our own personal development, it can also be daunting having to start all over in a brand-new place. Where to meet friends is not a one-size fits all answer either. In fact, meeting friends can be difficult and take time, but we have to give ourselves grace and space to find our own communities. It won’t happen overnight, but when it does, cherish it and the community you will establish and have.

XOXO – Katie <3

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My Spring 2024 Goals!

Personally, I have ALWAYS found myself to be a goal getter!!! On the professional front, I submitted my 2024 company goals *JUST* a few days ago. I have ALWAYS LOVED getting to craft and execute my own goals, both personally and professionally. SO, in the spirit of goal setting and getting, I want to start sharing some of my goals on a seasonal basis with y’all!

I have found it consistently important to set goals for ourselves not only in a professional setting but also in a personal setting. I am a BIG believer in personal development alongside professional development and that the two intertwine within our lives. The better we show up in our personal lives, the better we can show up in our professional lives and vice versa! Needless to say, I firmly believe that within our personal and professional lives there is a value in making choices that impact us personally in professionally in the short term and long term run. Personal development is VITAL to feeling well-rounded in our lives. And, the more that I show up personally, the better I can show up within the workplace. That ALLL being said, if I am writing goals professionally, then WHY NOT write them personally too?! We MUST have “fun” goals in conjunction with our “work” goals, too!

Fashion

  • Enjoy more of what I have in my closet
  • Borrow/trade clothing with friends before buying something new
  • Share more of my work & fun outfits

Family & Friends

  • Plan a summer girls’ weekend with some of my best college friends
  • Set a date for a family reunion on for both Mom’s and Dad’s families
  • Host a Spring dinner party with friends/family
  • Begin to plan for Papa’s family reunion trip in September
  • Be intentional about checking in with each of my friends

Health & Wellness

  • Order less takeout; cook more at home
  • Look into at-home workout plans/channels/resources
  • Begin an at-home workout plan
  • Start to read more

9-5/Blogging

  • Share a blog post about my weekly meal round-up
  • Graduate from my Ignite Young Professionals program
  • Continue to network within my company and beyond
  • Meet other fellow Washington, DC-based influencers/bloggers

I am a HUGE advocate for setting and tracking our own goals. Needless to say, I am definitely a goal getter!!! However, I also think that there is ALWAYS opportunity to allow for our goals to adapt and change as things in our own lives adapt and change, too. Being open to the possibility that those goals may evolve over time (even in a few short weeks!) is super helpful to our own successes too. Now, only tackling some Spring 2024 goals the goal-getter way!

XOXO – Katie <3

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The Blessings of College Friendships!

Friendships come and go, but there is something OH SO special about bonds made during the college years. Just like during any another stage of life, not all friendships that are made while in college prevail outside of the college years. However, those special friendships that do last into the postgraduate years are one’s that are special and destined to potentially last a lifetime.

While at Meredith College, I was so lucky to have made several friends during my time there. The majority of those friendships do not prevail to this day and that is OKAY. I am a firm believer that although some friendships do not last a long time, they each teach us certain lessons that will carry us throughout our lifetime. Many of my college friendships that did not survive to this very day made me realize that there are blessings in now non-existent connections. They teach us different lessons about our life, whether it be knowing our self worth, enjoying happy memories, and learning more about ourselves. Whatever the lesson and case may be, that IS a blessing to have learned that lesson (or two or three!). They say that people come into our lives for a reason and that is indeed true when it comes to those who may not play an important role in our lives anymore, even if they used to.

I am lucky enough to say that I have several friendships from my college years that I am still blessed to be able to have today. We have made several memories together since our college years, including visiting me in Washington, DC (and many more who still want to come visit!!!), going on a weekend getaway to Asheville, North Carolina, celebrating one another’s birthdays and graduations and people coming from both near and far to do so, and going back to our much loved alma mater Meredith College for Homecoming Weekend to commemorate where it all began. We spend late nights texting, FaceTiming, and talking to one another from time to time and some on a regular basis. We still get one another Birthday presents, enjoy touching base, and plan our next time to see one another. We reminisce on the good times that we had at Meredith College and look towards the future. We empower one another as we kick start our own careers in this adult world that can be scary and unknown, yet exciting. We make the time to be there for each other, despite being across state borders and in different cities both hours and miles apart. We are each others’ blessings in our lives and perhaps soulmates in a friend-like manner.

My several friendships made in college are some of the biggest blessings within my own life. Last weekend, I was visiting my friend Alanna for her Birthday weekend. We got dinner with a mutual friend and my former roommate, Sophie, who happened to be in town for the weekend from medical school in South Carolina and all talked for HOURS at the restaurant. We visited the nearby old downtown of Apex, North Carolina and met up with our friend Hannah for chips, queso, and tacos. We also celebrated Alanna’s Birthday with steak and potatoes and *of course* cake with our friends Hannah and Aspen along with her parents. My week was busy and tiring before then and making the trip down to Raleigh was so so so needed. It was, indeed, refreshing and the perfect way to reconnect and refuel myself before working again the next week.

Every time I see my college friends, I feel 1000% better, *even* when I don’t feel like socializing or doing perhaps anything. To me, that is the sign of true friendship. I am SO grateful to be able to have great friends like the ones that I have from college. They truly keep me going in my good days and my bad days. To have those friendships that have stuck it out through the rollercoaster that is known as life are meant to be destined to last a long long time. And, that I am forever grateful for.

XOXO – Katie <3

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Thoughts on Visiting my Alma Mater for Homecoming Weekend

This past weekend, I took a trip down memory lane and posted ALL about it on my Instagram (follow me @_thepinkchickadee!) by visiting my alma mater Meredith College for its Homecoming Weekend known as Cornhuskin’. Growing up in high school, I lived for Homecoming weekend – the football game, the dance, the shopping for the dance, and the friends. However, when I got to college, I attended an all-women’s institution which meant that our Homecoming Tradition – our always loved Cornhuskin’ – would look A WHOLE LOT different than it did for me during my high school years or for that matter most other college’s. Indeed, one of my favorite parts of this Fall season was getting to visit and experience Cornhuskin’ as an alum of Meredith College.

Cornhuskin’ at Meredith College is our Homecoming tradition, since we are proudly undefeated in football/have no football team – LOL! We also have shirts to prove our undefeated pride in football, too. Cornhuskin’ is pretty much a class competition – the Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors ALL compete against one another – via dances, skit, can art, Hog Callin’, Tall Tales, sweatshirt design, t-shirt design, prop design, on-campus spirit (to win a spirit stick – my class won twice) and much more!! – for bragging rights and the right of winning this most prized tradition. Everything within the class competition revolves around a theme that is then tied into the amazing Meredith College sisterhood given the year of college and ongoings that come with it – my Sophomore year our theme with based on Hercules and the strong sisterhood and we wore togas to dance and throughout our skit. It seriously is very Corny but seriously one of the best ways to spread joy and bond with classmates of all years.

Unlike in high school, Cornhuskin’ is a mega Meredith College community effort that takes effort from practically everyone in the community for months. Although a totally optional activity for all students, many many many of the Meredith College classmates of mine would participate, since it was a great opportunity to bond with classmates. We would start Cornhuskin’ practices in September where we would dance, rehearse skits, paint signs, and make up rhymes in the on-campus parking lots from 9pm until 1am sometimes. The next morning, we would get up and do it all again along with the hustle of classes, committees, jobs, and everything else in between. It was stressful to say the least. And, in fact, my Sophomore year of college, I felt VERY lonely as my friends from Freshmen year had transferred to other schools/drama had happened with those who stayed that I almost considered not participating due to the stress and feeling lonely. BUT, in the very end, I am super proud of myself for taking that leap and doing Cornhuskin’ and so so so happy that I did. The blood, sweat, and tears put into making Cornhuskin’ happen by all within the Meredith College student body made it soooooo worth it in the end when we would perform in the amphitheater at night in front of our family, friends, faculty, staff, classmates, alumnae, and community members.

Due to COVID-19, I did not get a Senior year Cornhuskin’. Meredith College staff did a GREAT job at attempting to give us an as-typical experience as possible, despite nothing looking the same during the 2020-2021 timeframe anyways. Though, in the end, it was sad that we in the Class of 2021 didn’t get a Senior Cornhuskin’ along with the classes of 2022, 2023, and 2024 behind us in their respective years. My friends and I in the Class of 2021 definitely felt some remorse towards that fact that we didn’t get a Senior Cornhuskin’ coming back to Cornhuskin’ this past weekend. COVID-19 took a lot from all of us, and I think it is important that we ALL acknowledge that everyone lost a lot from it and that it isn’t easy at times either. It’s HARD! Loss is hard and there is a major component of COVID-19 that we don’t talk about much: grief. Grief comes in many forms, but the occurrence of my beloved Cornhuskin’ my Senior year of college was hard to lose and it is something that I am still processing and miss all the time. Personally, I wish I got to experience it as a student and get Corny one last time with all of my classmates by my side.

On the flip side, I am SUPER grateful for the Meredith College sisters and classmates of mine that I do have to this day right in my corner. I got to both reconnect and bond with so many of my classmates some of which that I haven’t seen since I graduated or since before COVID-19 times. It was truly a blessing to see Hannah, Alanna, Kearra, Aspen, Jane, Lexie, Laurie, Sarah, Caroline, Cassie, Chandler, Faith, Aly, Kiran, Meredith, Bailey, Jasmine, and my Lil/Grand Lil’s Lelia, Madelyne, and Jordan and many more. I also got to bring my Papa and dog Rosie along to experience it all with me. Rosie dressed as Corny Corn and wore her pineapple Halloween costume from last year in the parade (we got to walk in it as Alumnae with other fellows alums!). We spent hours, after the main events of the class competition, talking in the parking lot just like the good old days of Cornhuskin’. SO many memories were made. I felt apart of the Meredith College community yet again after gaining my Meredith Angel wings and flying off to Washington, DC for my post-graduate life. Currently, I am still struggling to find my way in the Washington, DC area, but knowing that I have SO many fellow Meredith College Angels in my corner is such a sweet feeling and makes me know that I WILL find my way in my new city just like I did at Meredith.

Meredith College prides on its slogan of “Going Strong”. We Meredith College Angels, through it all, are strong – we have gone through tough things and we will do it again. Cornhuskin’ as a student was tough at times – the late nights practicing and then even later nights studying, the long days of classes, committees, and work, the stride to maintain a clean apartment and eat three meals a day, and everything else in between – is not easy for anyone to strive for. BUT, at the end of it all, as fatigued as we were, we loved every minute of our time well spent via Cornhuskin’ and our hearts were filled with gratitude and many many special memories made along the way. We truly were and are still continuing to be going strong the Meredith way, NO MATTER how Corny we may be at times!

XOXO – Katie <3

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The Reality of Making Friends in Your Twenties

When watching TV as a kid, I thought my 20’s would be the most glamorous time in my life. However, what we don’t see on TV is that your 20’s can feel like anything but glamorous most of the time. At the same time, some of the best lessons learned have come from being in my early 20’s, including how tough it is at times to make friends and find your way. Watching TV of people in their 20’s ALWAYS has the main character(s) surrounded by their main group of best buds. Though, the reality of making friends in your 20’s is far from what TV shows, which makes it more of a challenge to see through what the media portrays.

Before I get into the meat of things, I’ve been extremely lucky to be able to have some great friends that are some of my best friends living in different states and cities than my own. I have some friends from college still living down in North Carolina. I also have some pretty great friends in New Jersey (my home state!) from my childhood years. I even have some fellow influencer friends who I talk to practically everyday in Indiana. Luckily, my job provides me with the ability and flexibility to be able to visit my friends in their respective states of residence every few months or even more so. I feel very lucky to have made many connections in my childhood years, college years, blogging years. At the same time, having friends and my Dad and Step Mom (who live in Delaware) living in 3+ different states has allowed me to travel A LOT, too!

In college, I had friends over for parties, social gatherings, meals, and Bachelor viewing parties multiple times a week in my tiny on-campus apartment. I was definitely living my best college life and my social calendar was FULL! And, then, the end my Junior year of college, COVID hit. Everything took a full 180 in our world and we were told never to look back, despite not wanting to. Yet, my social life did not. I had my 21st Birthday Party on Zoom and over 70 people showed up (I still don’t know how everyone had actually not talked over one another the entire time – LOL!!). I maintained many of my college and personal life connections through these tough COVID times. Back at college my Senior year, my best friend Hannah frequently visited along with our best friend Alanna and they were AMAZING rocks during these less-than ideal times for anyone and especially for making friends. I also somehow managed to make new connections friend-wise during the COVID times, whether it be at school or through my blog which I started and re-coded again and again and again at the time. Looking back at my college years and the friendships that I made whether or not they stood the test of time, I am extremely blessed and my heart is filled with SO MUCH gratitude.

Just 6 weeks before college graduation, I made the decision to move back up to the Washington, DC area to continue my job search after visiting during my Spring Break. I had an apartment right after I announced my post-graduation move (which was just a few days after I made my decision). About a month later, I got a job offer for the job that I have now. Those final 6 weeks of college, I was SOOOO excited for my big move to the big city. I was psyched for the new friends, the adventures, the memories to be made, and the excitement of a big city. HOWEVER, when I moved here, the magical excitement felt like it was gone. I didn’t have any friends (besides a few friends from high school and my family) and no clue of how to approach it all. Little did I know, the journey to making friends in your 20’s would be ANYTHING but smooth.

My first few months after I moved up to Washington, DC, I got onto Bumble BFF (gotta be REAL here!!) and met some pretty cool people on there. I actually hung out with a few folks that I met there yet never really made any connections that turned into friendships with folks that I regularly see. Yet, I did make some great texting buddies and one that I see on occasion! Once I started my job just a few months after college graduation, I got wayyyy too busy to even remember that I was on Bumble BFF (confessing here!!). I became hyper-focused on my job and that’s how it was for the next year. And, when I started my job and with the move, I felt like I sort of lost myself for the first year since it all went down. It was rough and the last thing that was on my mind was making new friends.

Now that I have gotten out of my post-graduation funk and settled into my new groove, I have realized that it is really HARD to make new friends. I have been lucky that my company has a group focused on Early Career Professionals that I am an active member in, where new friendships have blossomed. At the same time, I have made some great friends through this platform that also live in the Washington, DC area. My Big from college also lives nearby, along with some of my high school friends, family, and my friend Bryn lived here for the summer and hopes to move back full-time next summer. BUT, at the same time, making new friends is ROUGH and everyone I’ve talked to whose my age has said the exact same thing. It is rough out there in our 20’s – everyone is finding their way, wanting new friends, desiring to go on great adventures, and hoping to eventually find love.

In the end, we’re all just hoping for the same thing – a few friends to gossip over drinks with about our latest love interest, go on adventures with around town, enjoy a night out on the town with, and spill the tea on the latest reality tv episode with. It’s HARD when we go from our college life to living on our own in a tiny apartment probably with a roommate and just have to start all over again, YET we don’t know where to start. Yep – none of us feel like we know WHERE TO start with it all when it comes to making friends. We all are hoping for new connections and I think that, at the end of the day, we could ALL use more connections in our lives, whether we have a ton of connections already or not.

TV makes our 20’s look uber-glamorous, but that is far from the truth. The 20’s are a rough generation which is simply about finding our own way in this big big world. Though some rough years, I think there are some pretty great and perhaps glamorous moments in our 20’s, too, as with other generations of our lives. We just have to look for the sparkle and make new friends where we can along the way!

XOXO – Katie <3

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Items I Bought in College that I Use Now

So, with Back to School season now officially in FULL SWING, it’s time to start stocking up on items that may be beneficial to you throughout the year. Personally, I find the Back to School season a time for EVERYONE to purchase things that they could use throughout the year, whether it be a doorbuster deal on a new fan, a notebook(s) for work, a fresh new set of pens, or even a brand-new pair of shoes. On my Instagram (follow me @_thepinkchickadee!!), I always love the Fall/Back to School season and always am sharing content on it all!!!

*Disclaimer: Please note that this post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase through one of my links, then I will receive a small commission. This commission is at no extra cost to you. Additionally, this post is not sponsored, and all opinions are my own.*

Most of the items here are such that I bought in my school years that are still beneficial to me today, along with items that I would buy from the shelves and shelves of Back to School merchandise. Hopefully you can find something of use for yourself, too!

Items I Bought in College that I Use Now

Whether you’re in college or not, these are some of the items that I would recommend purchasing this upcoming Back to School season!!

XOXO – Katie <3

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The Reality of Post-College Graduate Life

We all see graduation as an exciting time in our lives. We get dressed in a cap, gown, and our nicest outfit for the big day. We walk across that stage. We receive our diplomas (AND DEGREES!!!). We walk off the stage feeling accomplished, proud, and ready to take on that next chapter in our lives. We celebrate our achievements with our friends and family who potentially are doing just that, too. Perhaps, we MAY even take graduation photos in the midst of ALL that excitement. BUT, the excitement and gratitude from all of those exciting college graduation moments seems to disappear in the blink of an eye. And, just like that, we are thrust out of the college world and into the big, scary adult world.

For more posts on post-college life, look no further than here:

If you know me and have been following along with me on Instagram (follow me @_thepinkchickadee!!) and the blog, then you know that I am a recent college graduate. I graduated from Meredith College a year ago (May 2021) as of when I am publishing this blog post with a Bachelors of Arts in Mathematics and triple minors in Data Science, Statistics, and Website Development and Honors. I also served on several college committees and won 5+ awards throughout my college experience. Everyone knew who I was on my college campus, as a result of my bright pink and preppy style, on-campus involvement, go-getter personality, and outgoing and bubbly persona. Just a day after my college graduation I moved from my college town of Raleigh, North Carolina to the big city of Washington, DC where I started my job at a company that I LOVE soon after. That all being said, my identity was defined by all of my experiences in college. Then, when I graduated from college, all of that went away. My identity, which was filled with being that girl involved in ALL of the committees, dressed to the 9’s in bright pink, and somehow making friends with everyone in between it all, left me along with my college years. Everything seemed to disappear and fall apart after college. And, truth be told, I still really miss those college years where everything felt as if it was in its place where it was meant to be.

Change is inevitable. Change is the one constant in ALL of our lives. Change is the one thing that we should all expect from life, whether we like it or not. With post-college graduate life, change is everywhere and at EVERY turn.

For many of us, post-graduate life changes involve a move, whether nearby or far away. Some of those moves can involve a brand-new city, back home, or even nearby our old college stomping grounds. Whatever the move may be, it IS a change to leave college apartments and/or your college campus for something else. We may be living with our parents, siblings, or grandparents and having to re-establish our relationships with those in our lives who we left just a few years beforehand and changed and grew so much in those years since initially leaving home. We may be living with roommate(s) and adapting to living independently and paying rent, utilities, and many other things on our own, too. Either way, packing up ALL of our belongings and college memories and life and moving elsewhere is tough. At the same time, friends from college and from back at home become dispersed, whether in different cities or different places within the same city/metropolitan area. Many of my friends live within 30 minutes from me that are in the Washington, DC area. I feel lucky by that statistic, too, given how vast the Washington, DC area is. The same goes for my friends Hannah and Alanna in the Raleigh-Cary-Durham, North Carolina area. Hannah, Alanna, and I were talking the other day about how many of us are lucky if we see our friends once a week in the postgraduate world, as opposed to all day everyday as in the college world. That is a BIG CHANGE!

Jobs take up A LOT of our time, whether we like it or not. I am very lucky to say that I had a job before graduating from college at a great company that I am lucky to say that I LOVE here in the Washington, DC area. I have several supportive coworkers and have been learning a lot on the job. I feel VERY fortunate to have all of this. I know several people who spend MONTHS if not YEARS searching for a job post-graduation. It is hard and, essentially, looking for a job IS A JOB. Either way, work WILL take up a lot of your time. It is not easy to find that work-life balance, especially the first few years out of college. We go from waking up at 12pm if we so choose to after staying up until 4am doing homework assignments to waking up much much much earlier to check emails, pings in Microsoft Teams and/or Slack, and meetings. We may even have an occasional or regular routine commute into work, too. Work IS exhausting. It is for everyone. It’s much different than college classes, but thankfully there is NO homework in the working world (*cues confetti!!!*). That is a BIG CHANGE!

We are out in the real world. We are in working jobs. We are paying rent and groceries and bills and potentially even student loans and everything in between it all, too. We are not asking our parents anymore for money, since we now have our own paychecks. We understand the value of money. We understand the expensive cost of things, such as groceries, gas, car payments, cell phone bills, rent, utilities, health insurance, auto insurance, 401K retirement accounts, savings accounts, and much much much more. It is all A LOT. We are gaining a newfound sense of independence. As, in previous times, our parents usually for the most part, handled those types of things. Adulting was beyond our own brain’s scope of comprehension. Those days are behind us and we are officially adults. That is a BIG CHANGE!

Our mental health takes a toll, through it all. To be honest, I have felt a loss of my own identity in the post-graduate world, a longing to see and interact with my peers on a daily basis, and a post-graduate world depression. My whole entire life, I have been going from classroom to classroom, assignment to assignment, report card to report card, and semester to semester. In between it all, I attended social to social, committee to committee, meeting to meeting, and event to event. And, then, I did it all again. My life has REVOLVED around being in a classroom setting all of my life. None of that classroom structure is there. It isn’t easy being in the post-graduate world when your identity was surrounded by your past school life. Personally, I miss a lot of what college had to offer and I know my college friends do too. It isn’t easy, but none of us are alone either. Remember that.

Although we excitedly put on our caps and gowns, walk across that stage, and receive our degrees, the road after doing so is never easy for anyone. We go through roller coaster rides of excitement, ranging from taking our first vacation when we would have probably been in class to decorating our first-ever apartment in the real world, and sadness, ranging from realizing we’re in fact not in college and living near all of our friends anymore and adulting and everything else. Things haven’t been easy for me, since my college graduation, to say the least (I want to be REAL with y’all!!!), but I do know that for all of us, everything is temporary and that things WILL get better. Do not forget – things WILL get better – though they may seem hard at this very exact moment.

XOXO – Katie <3

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The Reality of College Friendships Post-Graduation

Flash back to August 2017. I had moved into my college dorm at Meredith College, which I am a proud alumnae of and LOVE to brag about on my Instagram (follow me @_thepinkchickadee!) and met A TON of people, all of which I considered to be my besties. Overwhelmed with excitement and giddy about how fast my social life had blossomed and tremendously grown in the blink of one night in my mattress pad-covered dorm bed, I couldn’t wait to make more and more besties the next day. These besties of mine that I had met at college, whether through Facebook (yes – I was THAT girl who introduced herself to and added EVERYONE on Facebook from my incoming Freshmen class Facebook group the months before moving in), socials arranged by on-campus organizations, orientation, or simply in the dining hall, I saw myself as becoming besties with my brand-new besties and remaining besties forever. Flash forward 5 years to summer 2022. I am oh so grateful for the relationships and friendships that I have established. BUT, my list of besties from college is nowhere near what I thought it would be one year out of college.

In college, we meet ALL kinds of people. I met people from small towns in North Carolina, big cities in North Carolina (such as Charlotte, Raleigh, and Winston Salem), other Southern states including Florida, Tennessee, and Georgia, and everywhere in between. My eyes were truly open to the vast diversity of people within the state of North Carolina and the South as a whole. A few weeks after I moved in my Freshmen year, I went on a trip with other Meredith College classmates of mine to Savannah, Georgia. My Sophomore year a group of us went to Washington, DC. My Junior year, a group of us went to Charleston, South Carolina. I also studied abroad in Sansepolcro in Tuscany, Italy and London, England and even San Ignacio in the rainforest region of Cayo, Belize. I was able to see the world around me and learn from it right with my Meredith College classmates. I met several people from several different backgrounds from all across the globe. Many of those folks became my besties and played a strong role in my college experience, too.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, my college social world felt as if it was over as I then knew it. Pre-COVID-19, I hosted multiple dinner parties each month. At one point in time, I even had over 30 people and a dog in my tiny tiny tiny apartment at once on a Wednesday night. I went out to lunch, breakfast, dinner, coffee, and all of the above ALL THE TIME. I participated in ALLL the Meredith College committees, events both on and off campus, and even local Raleigh events. I even spent HOURS each week in between my classes sitting at a table in the Student Union helping to sell shirts for both class and club fundraisers as well as events, alike. I saw everyone, socialized with everyone, got pictures with everyone, and dressed to the 9’s in my good olde Katie preppy style. Life felt good and then when COVID-19 hit, it wasn’t. I had LOTS of friends that I saw day in and day out, many of which I lost touch with and grew apart from during the pandemic.

To my surprise, the pandemic was the first of many waves of distancing from many of my so-called besties. During the COVID-19 pandemic, my apartment roommate moved back home, so it was just me in our apartment. I feared being alone, but once I faced that fear, I *surprise* actually LOVE and embrace being alone from time to time. When I faced my fear of being alone, I also started to truly work on loving myself. I treated myself with better care and kindness and continue to to this day. Working on myself so much made me realize that some of those friends of mine were not truly friends of mine for the long haul. Many of my college friends would call me only to ask for favors or check-in’s (for context: I regularly checked in on college friends during the pandemic that I rarely saw) would only come from me and not from them as well. On the flip side, I had several college friends who we would only use our memories for show aka for the social media post, but not much for the friendship. Looking back on some of my college friendships, I felt stressed around some of those I’d hang out with in ensuring I got the perfect picture to post, had the perfect outfit, and went to every social outing. There was NO foundation to our friendship and many of those friends I couldn’t even think of one reason why I was their friend than for social outings and social media. It made me realize that I deserved more in the friendships that I invested in moving forward.

They say the more you work on yourself, the more people you let go. That rings true to friendships of ALL kinds. When I broke up with my abusive ex and got out of that toxic relationship and ultimately chose myself, I lost many of our then-mutual friends and those in our community that supported and admired our relationship. Only a few people stuck around and made sure I was okay after the breakup. I had a lot of support from those in my community who truly cared for me and wanted simply the best for me. The rest left and the break up truly was one of the first experiences that made me realize who was truly in my corner at ALL times. Similarly speaking, when I moved to Washington, DC post-college graduation, many of my then-friends became a distant memory. Some friends checked in and others didn’t. To some friends, I left and wasn’t coming back to Raleigh, so I was a distant friend from a past world, and to others, I was still their friend that they checked in on and wanted to see when we were both in the same city. Some of these friends just moved on like I left and never looked back. I realized that I deserved and do deserve MORE. Others made the effort to check-in and reunite when we were together. Those are the friends that I still have in my corner. We have travelled together and some have even come to visit me. They are also the ones the I see whenever I come to Raleigh. Friendships are a two-way street. I realized that if I want to maintain a friendship with someone that I deserve a friendship where both parties make an effort to keep in touch for more than just a tag in a post on Instagram.

There were some college friendships that I felt heartbroken to loose and eventually grow apart from. I grieved. I was distraught. I fought hard to keep those friendships alive even when I knew that I was better off without them. These were the people that I never wanted to loose. They were the friends that I envisioned at my wedding, baby shower, and planning college reunion trips with decades down the line. I envisioned having these friends in my life for, well, life. Looking back at some of these friendships though, a lot of the friends that I am not in touch with to this day from college, I didn’t turn to them when I needed them most. Instead, I turned to the college friends that I still am super blessed to have in my life to this day. But, I instead, decided that the friendship was not worth saving. College friendships are HARD to maintain post-graduation. When everyone is dispersed in different cities, working jobs at different companies in different industries, and simply living lives very different from one another and not within an elevator’s or hall’s reach to one another, things change. More and more effort takes place when we live farther apart from each another. It’s life and it’s NORMAL.

Although some college friendships don’t last far out of the college years, others will and others will even grow more after college, too. I’ve learned over time to focus on those that DO care for me and the friends that I DO have. There’s so much joy that I have for the friends that I DO have to this day from college and beyond. We can look back and laugh on our college memories and grow together, even when we live far apart from one another. I have also grown connections with those from college that I wasn’t as close to during my college years, especially in recent times. It’s funny how the stars align that way sometimes. Sometimes we drift apart from those that we weren’t meant to have in our lives, but we grow closer to those who are meant to be in our lives long term. Those bonds are such a special thing, too. Even more special than those bonds once there but not anymore.

While my Freshmen year college self would LOVE to see a whole wedding guest list full of my besties from college of group chats in my text messages to this day, I truly have friendships that I can focus on more so and make it worth the time and investment, too. I have grown as a person and so have all of my besties from Freshmen year of college. Remember, that while you may fear and feel sadness towards loosing some college friendships, you also will gain so much more from the one’s that will remain and are to come.

XOXO – Katie <3

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One Year Ago, I Graduated from College

Looking back, my 16 year old self would be sad that I didn’t study and have a career in fashion and currently live in New York City. My 18 year old self would be devastated that I’m currently not in a committed relationship and *surprise* am single AND fabulous. While, my 10 year old self would be thrilled that I have a beautiful closet, a dog, and travel a ton with my best friends. On Instagram (follow me @_thepinkchickadee), I have seen so many influencers share about how their younger selves would view themselves now. I love seeing everyone’s reflections on that, too. Looking back on my life and where I thought I would be at this stage in my life now versus where I actually am are two very different stories. When I graduated from college, it was hard. Despite how hard graduating from college is, I have also adapted and grown personally in ways like never before.

I graduated from college and moved up to Washington, DC within the same weekend, it was a whirlwind of emotions. I essentially went through two big life transitions in the span of less than 48 hours. I came home to my Washington, DC area apartment and was away from all of my friends and family. I had what felt like 1,000’s of boxes filled with my college apartment belongings to unpack and arrange in the way that my own heart desired. At the same time, I also had a lot of emotions to unpack when it came to processing with my post-graduation transition emotions. I felt this deep feeling of sadness when I first graduated. It lasted for a year. I never knew just why I had felt uber sad all the time, but I did. It wasn’t until about a year later that I realized what I was feeling was grief that had yet to be processed.

After college, things change a lot, especially within the first year. When I graduated in May 2021, things were still in that COVID-19 mindset more so than they are now. I didn’t travel much the first summer after and I had moved into a place without many friends and spent a lot of time on my own not really doing much. I missed my friends from Meredith College and talked to them about every single moment of every single day. I held onto as much as I could of my college life. It went away and I moved on, though. Some of my college friends I have grown apart from and others I have grown closer to – its like a juxtaposition. It’s also a gift in a way.

Last weekend, I went to Meredith College’s graduation on campus for the Class of 2022, as my best friend Hannah graduated. It was super bittersweet and heartwarming to be back on my sweet campus that I call Wonderland. I loved getting to see some of my former professors and my Academic Advisor. I also loved getting to see friends from both the Class of 2022, fellow Class of 2021 and 2020 alums and even a few friends from the Class of 2023 and 2024. Though it was a great time to be back on sweet Meredith College grounds, I also felt as if I was beyond the Meredith College life. I loved my time at Meredith College and miss my time there dearly, but it is not where I feel I am meant to be right now as I have moved beyond my college years.

At my best friend Hannah’s Graduation party this past weekend, a lot of my friends and I discussed the things we miss and don’t miss about college life. A lot of what we missed was having all of our friends living within close proximity to us. The more than weekly dinner parties, socials, outings, and everything in between. Not to mention, we all miss having a lot of big events which are known at Meredith College as “Traditions” that we would all get super dolled up for and have wayyyy too many photo sessions. Many of us also wished we could do all of our college experiences again for the many memories that we made. At the same time, we miss living closer to one another. When people asked me how I like Washington, DC, to be honest I love where I live and do not envision myself moving back to the South at any point in time. BUT, I also miss the social life and college world a bit too – the socials that were always never-ending, the people, the professors, and the community. Socials in the post graduation world are a lot more sparse and a lot of folks that I befriended during college do not live near me. I miss it all. Though, even a year after my college graduation, I still haven’t found my community here in Washington, DC. As for what I don’t miss about college, I do not miss the consistently growing pile of schoolwork, the social drama, and the Southern way of life. The South is very very different from the North – people get into committed relationships a lot faster and it’s still extremely traditional and has been for decades in terms of its cultures and values, unlike the North. It was super duper nice to know that my friends and community from Meredith College who are also recent college graduates feel the same exact way that I do. This past weekend was needed for me, it included lots of deep conversations that were nothing other than relatable and raw. It was beautiful and perfectly the way it was meant to be for us all – needed. I am not alone and none of us are either.

There are both good things and bad things about college life and the post-graduation life. Neither is perfect. But, what I do know is that I am where I am meant to be right now in my life. As I travelled back to Washington, DC from Raleigh, North Carolina this past weekend in my little white Volvo Sedan, I spent a ton of time reflecting on the good that is to come. College days may be a distant memory for me, but my life is now just beginning. There is much to come for me and for my fellow recent college graduates in this world, too. The first few years are HARD for all of us after college and even high school (depending on the path you choose to take after high school). Entering the real world is NOT easy, and I wanted to share a peek into the raw and real side of it all – not just the pretty little pictures seen all over everyone’s social media. However, there is always good to come. As my friend Aspen and I were talking at Hannah’s Graduation party this past weekend, we both emphasized how we WILL be better off just the way we are and in stages within our lives. Things work out in the end and they always do the way they are meant to. We just have to look to the bright future ahead!

XOXO – Katie <3

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